Let’s be frank.  We “Cat Ladies” (not to be confused with cougars!) often celebrate Valentine’s Day with just our feline friends and boxed chocolates.  And ice cream.  Cookie dough ice cream.  And cookie dough itself.  By the spoonful.

But when you do find yourself with a DATE on Valentine’s day, here’s the 9 step guide to making sure the evening is purrfect:

1.    Not sure it even needs to be said, but brush all the cats!  Your date will surely appreciate their shiny, glossy coats.

2.    If you haven’t done it in, well, a few hours, break out the industrial sized box of lint rollers and clean off the bedspread.

3.    After a few minutes, give up any fantasy you have of removing all of the cat hair from your bedspread, and head out to the store to buy a new one.

4.    Since you’re already replacing the bedspread, consider upgrading the bedroom décor from Hello Kitty to leopard print…MeOW!

5.    Welcome your date into your home and introduce him to all of your cats!  Be sure to pull every last shy one out from under the bed and sofa.  When you’re done, take him out to the garden to show him the memorial where you’ve scattered the ashes to honor your former felines.

6.    If the evening takes a romantic turn, lighten the mood by cracking a joke about how if your date has his way with you, you’re likely to end up giving birth to a litter of kittens—hahahaha!

7.    When your date turns pale, somberly assure him you’re using protection.

8.    Entertain your date with a rendition of “My Funny Valentine,” sung to your 16 year old, jowly gray tabby.

9.    At this point in the evening, you’re probably passionately kissing your date (SCORE!), unless he just finds your kittens irresistible and can’t tear himself away (DOUBLE SCORE!!).  If not, head to the freezer and dig into the cookie dough!

Happy Valentine’s Day!